NBA Dictator Czar Emperor Planet-eater Commissioner and all-around swell guy David Stern has hired and appointed former United States Army general Ronald L. Johnson to oversee the league's officiating.



("May God have mercy upon my referees, because I won't.")

Johnson's first job as a civilian, after retiring from active duty, will be to oversee the day-to-day operations of the NBA's officiating, including recruiting, training, scheduling and probably making sure none of the referees are betting on the games they're officiating.

"As I leave the military and return to civilian life, I can't imagine a more interesting and challenging position," Johnson said in a statement. "Although I don't have a basketball background, other than as a lifelong fan, I am confident that my experience as an Army commander and engineer has equipped me to bring leadership and innovation to the NBA's exceptional officiating program."

Of course this all stems from former NBA referee Tim Donaghy being busted for gambling on NBA games that he was officiating, and his revelations to the FBI that other refs were also in on the fix. Stern blew off Donaghy's accusations that veteran official (and notoriously horrible ref) Dick Bavetta had been a part of a plot to fix the 2002 Western Conference Finals between the Lakers and the Sacramento Kings. Incredibly questionable calls were made in Game 6 of that series, leading to a seventh game and a Lakers victory. But, as always, when any reporters ask Stern about this accusation, he turns into a dragon and eats them.

The addition of Johnson has pleased some owners, including Mark Cuban, and that's a relief. Because when whiny billionaire owners are upset, I lose way too much sleep. Hopefully, Johnson will use his authority to finally prove that since Cuban is not a steer, then he can thusly be only one other thing.